Big 10 Gang

Most of this was written a long time ago, waiting to be published after Matt finished his Big Ten neighborhood postings.

Okay, it’s a neighborhood alright but you’re a little off on the socio-economic status of the hood. The Big Ten and the rest of college football is a like being in your neighborhood gang. And yes, just like any other gang there is a hierarchy – the toughest, strongest, wealthiest, and smartest gang members are the ones that are the gang leaders. Those that are not so tough, strong, wealthy or smart are on the bottom. Gang relationships can be violent and bitter but in the end, these guys are all in it together.

Let’s look at the gang called the Big Ten. Michigan is without a doubt the biggest, baddest Motherfucker on the block. Michigan has seen it all and done it all. An old gang member who is still tough as nails, it seems that Michigan’s age has given it a fair amount of wisdom. Michigan is recognized not just on your block as one of the best institutions in gangland but is on every block recognized as an almost mythical gang figure. Michigan can compete with other gangs that have no interest in some of the things Michigan is interested in. Michigan isn’t just interested in being strong, having the better weapons, but Michigan is a gangster that reads philosophy and has posters of Che Guevara, Public Enemy, John Brown and WEB Du Bois on his wall. Other gangs, like the SEC, Big 12, PAC-10 and ACC have few members that can match Michigan’s physical strength and academic excellence and political commitments. They are mostly made up of brutes whose heroes remain segregationist, classist, elitist bastards. But when they come to your door, you better hope Michigan is around to go toe to toe with them. Michigan doesn’t always win but he wins his share against opponents that don’t live up to his lofty standards when it comes to politics and education. Oh yeah, there are other gang members that are as erudite as Michigan but most of them just get their asses kicked week in and week out. In fact Michigan may be unique in its combination of desirable attributes.

Ohio State thinks it’s tougher than Michigan and for that reason it seems like these two brutes don’t get along. Ohio State isn’t nearly as smart or politically committed as Michigan. In that respect, Ohio State resembles some of the other gangs in the College Football world. But every gang needs a tough. And for a tough, Ohio State is pretty smart. OSU is certainly smarter than Nebraska, Oklahoma, Alabama, FSU and Miami.

After these two unquestioned leaders come the rest. They all have their strengths and weaknesses but generally they maintain a degree of education and political commitment that binds them together in the Big Ten Gang. Purdue, Iowa, Wisconsin and Illinois are probably the next toughest and smartest of the group. Most certainly, Wisconsin is as smart as Michigan and has, on occasion, risen to Michigan’s level of toughness. Wisconsin is even more politically committed to radical thought than Michigan. Iowa is pretty darn smart too. Purdue is like Ohio States little bother. Penn State, what can you say about Penn State. Penn State used to be on the same level as Ohio State and it still somehow maintains a rep on the street but everyone knows that PSU isn’t as bad as PSU used to be. Or maybe it is?

Minnesota is always talking about the “good ol’ days.” There was a time, a long a time ago, that Minnesota was the top dog in the gang. Those days are long gone and now Minnesota clings to that past and hopes for a return to glory.

Michigan State and Indiana are simply not as tough as the previous group.

And then there is Northwestern. Northwestern doesn’t belong in the gang at all. He’s a rich little snob that almost always brings nothing to the fight. He’s smart but he doesn’t belong in a gang like the Big Ten … send him off to the Ivy League or something. But he lives in the right neighborhood, no one in Chicago can be in the gang anymore, so Northwestern will have to do.

The fortunes of the eight other members rise and fall over the years. But they always measure themselves against the fortunes of the gang leaders, dreaming that they to could be as strong and powerful as Michigan and OSU. And they can occasionally challenge the supremacy of the two – these rivalries appear to be the most important. But the real enemy is always the other conferences. Winning a Big Ten championship means the greatest prize of all – playing in the Rose Bowl (or, nowadays, the Championship game)

Now this is a gang, does Michigan and OSU come over and kick your ass once a year just for the hell of it? Yes. Do they seem to take an inappropriate amount of pleasure in embarrassing you in front of all your friends, relatives and women? Yes. But that is, unfortunately, life in a gang. It’s extremely hierarchical, based on reputation and violence and sometimes terribly disruptive and unpredictable.

In the end, though, the most important thing to do is defend your turf, defend the Big Ten against the other College Football gangs that are out there. And that is the measure that matters in the hood. When Florida and its punk ass coach complain that they deserve the National Championship, it is the duty of the head of the gang to go and teach Florida a lesson. It is not go and get your ass handed to you and make the SEC the strongest, wealthiest gang in College Football.