In response to the growing controversy as to the whereabouts and condition of the Blue Ox, Goblins coach and AD Carhart issued this statement from his bunker:
the Goodgers and the commissioners office have conspired against the Goblins and prevented us from receiving the championship trophy and credit we so richly deserve. It is a well known fact inside the league and among the general public that the Goodgers have always thought and behaved as though they had some sort of divine right to the trophy and the league title. It is also a well known fact that the commissioners office is directly tied to the Spitfires, perhaps our most jealous rival. It does not require a great deal of imagination to conclude that the spoiled and bitter Goodgers conspired with the jealous and petty Spitfires to withhold the Blue Ox from us for this long and they continue to do so. And judging from the recent photos, it appears as if the Goodgers are even willing to stain and break the trophy in order to prevent us from having it. The commissioners feeble and half-hearted response to the Goodgers clear disrespect for the league's members and its blatant violation of league rules and protocol only serves to demonstrate the tacit approval the commissioners office has given to the embarrassing behavior of the Goodgers. If anyone doubts there concerted actions let them refer back to last year when the defeated Goodgers tried to claim victory in the Blue Ox bowl and the commissioner refused to certify and confirm our championship for weeks! Both parties 'failed' to congratulate us on our amazing season, and since then, neither the Goodgers nor the commissioner have lifted a finger to present us with the trophy. If this is not a deliberate act of collusion and sabotage against the Goblins then both the Goodgers and the commissioner should explain their hostile behavior toward the Goblins and submit their apologies. I expect neither is forthcoming, but rest assured the Goblins do not need hollow symbols to remind us of our greatness, we know we are the champions and the best!
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Trophy Row Degenerates as Accusations Fly; Goodgers Continue to Attack Commissioners Office; No Apologies or Congratulations Appear Forthcoming
"Hey, I had to tell the Commissioner that we lost the 2006 Blue Ox Bowl." That's how the 3rd Goodger Press conference of the day began. "He congratulated me and I had to tell him to check the scores. And all this happened despite the fact that I wasn't really thinking about Football in November of 2006!" Wendelberger cryptically asserted.
As to the accusations of Golblin Coach and AD regarding a conspiracy to keep the Ox and not congratulating him on his win, Wendelberger was unusually caustic "That damn team didn't belong in the Bowl to begin with. They had a losing regular season record. Sometimes I just don't get it. It's our trophy, anyway, by Divine Right, you know, like Louis the 14th, the Sun King."
Would he congratulate Goblin Coach/AD Carhart? "Look, he prefers it this way. If I don't congratulate him then he can continue to imagine conspiracies and slights."
With that, Wendelberger abruptly ended his press conference.
Congratulations Matt! It was a fun, obsessive season, as usual.
Reached in his undisclosed bunker location by phone coach and AD Carhart offered the following comments in response to a hastily called press conference by the Goodgers.
The Goodgers are clearing trying to blame the commissioners office for wavering on their original deal now that the new season is approaching. Look I have no idea about the nature of the communications between the Goodgers and the Commissioner. Obviously there was some back-slapping between the two but I can only submit the evidence that is public record and point to their actions. The Goblins are still without the Blue Ox and the Goodgers still think that the Blue Ox trophy they received a few years ago was theirs to keep forever. They need to get over the loss and move on, I guess they are good winners but sour losers. If the Goodgers want to go down the road of who did and did not deserve to win, then we will be happy to engage them in that debate. Remember it was the Goblins that won the regular season title three years ago and beat the Goodgers in each regular season game but then lost the Blue Ox bowl on a last second controversial call. (not to start Troy Smith!). So I guess we learned from that experience that it is better not to expend all your energy winning regular season games and conserve some energy for the Blue Ox Bowl. We implemented that strategy last year and it proved successful. Maybe the Goodgers need to re-focus on winning championships rather than running up the score on teams during the regular season.
The coach/AD then asked reporters to call him back when the Goodgers actually make a statement that matches reality.
P.S. thank you for the congrats- even though I was not serious about wanting one- as always I enjoy the league to death even when I lose
"Now he's talking about the fluky 2004 season?" Coach W exclaimed. "You mean the one where the third highest scoring team in the league got into the Bob through the back door? That seems to his habit. Look. maybe he's right, the commissioner and I are in cahoots." With that the coach winked and returned to his office.
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