the big ten neighborhood

Since I did not have time to respond to the question about loving/hating Big Ten teams earlier I thought I would catch up by offering my response in the form of an analogy/metaphor.
I see the Big ten as a neigborhood. Minnesota is me (here is the metaphor part). They are always poor, although they are not usually the poorest in the hood. They live in a modest, moderately shabby house- usually are miserable and suffer unjustly-never have any real success although at times it appears they might. Once in a great while they stir and have a binge of mild success and then it all comes crashing down as quickly as it rose before reaching a high level- like when the furnace blows out or you choke against Michigan two years in a row. This experence just intensifies the suffering and magnifies the long history of struggle and failure. And like me, the gophers are frustrating, annoying, seemingly hopeless and always unrecognized in the hood, and they rarely get support or positive affirmation. They are simply the working-class part of the hood that struggles just well enough not to be poor but not well enough to be respected in the hood. All this makes them by far the most lovable team in the Big Ten.
After an enormous drop off then comes
Northwestern
they are like the neighbor that lives across the street and about three houses down on the corner lot. They have a sizable lot so you think they might be rich but the house is small and kinda run down -usually- worse than yours-and although they have some yuppie trappings around - like wine tasting parties in the backyard- (you suspect they are well educated intellectuals that work for a well-funded, socially conscious, non-profit group) they also put up the Green party candidate yard sign every two years and when you encounter them you agree on politics and the feeling that the Michigan and Ohio State houses have oppressed the Neighborhood for too damn long. So in the end you like them and consider them an ally of sorts on the block.
On the opposite end of teh spectrum is your most hated member of the community- as luck would have it your next door neighbor- Iowa.
They are like the racist next door that puts the Buchanan yard sign up every year. And to make matters worse they always listen to the O'Rielly factor too loud and their dog shits on your lawn every day. They are working class like me but have a little bit better paying job than me and make fun of your clothes, house and cat every chance they get. Even their friends and relatives are annoying and find a way to damage your house. Basically Iowa are obnoxious pigs and you wish they would move or better yet -for humanities sake- die.
Living on the other side of you/me(minnesota) is Wisconsin.
They are a better next door neighbor than iowa (they don't like Iowa much either). They share your political outlook-generally- and they keep their dog in their yard. once in a while you invite them over for a drink and you say hi to them everytime you see them. Occassionally they throw wild parties that go on too long and they let their leaves blow into your yard and this annoys you bitterly but overall you like them and wish them well. Number two on my list behind northwestern.
Then there are the two middle class neighbors - Michigan State and Purdue. they both have larger houses and much better jobs than you. They live close to the Michigans and Ohio States down the street near the top of the hill. You never really talk to either one of them but you can tell from their toys and decorations that you like MSU much more than Purdue. For one thing, MSU is clearly a Clinton Democrat and sometimes strays into the gephardt camp. They like cats and hand out candy on Halloween. Purdue on the other hand, supports our troops and backs Bush. They have two pit bulls and drive a Yukon. The only thing that separates Purdue from iowa in your/my mind is that they don't live so close to you and they are more of the "technology is our savior types" and iowa is more of the "god hates fags" type.
Indiana is the guy that lives next to Purdue and he manages a resturant - never graduated high school and works two jobs. he is poorer than you and you feel sorry for him. he lives in the worst house in the neighborhood and always looks tired and sad. The problem with Indiana is that he feels so emasculated and insecure that he votes republican in hopes of achieving some kind of masculine residue in the process of voting for the "tough guys" instead of those pussy liberals( you suspect he beats his wife too). So you feel sorry for Indiana and realize he is in a similar situation to yours but on the other hand his politics push you away and you are left with a feeling of bewildering ambiguity towards indiana.
Then there is Illinois.
This is the crazy neighbor. At one time he had 4 cars and two boats and then suddenly he sold them all. You suspect he is either a serial killer or a drug dealer because his mood and material sitiation is all over the place. One day up the next day way down. he is usually pretty nice to you and causes no trouble in the hood but for some reason he hates Northwestern- his neighbor. Basically Illinois elicits no strong feelings from you in general but you feel safer trusting Michigan State then Illinois.
to be continued...